The 50 funniest American writers : an anthology of humor from Mark Twain to the Onion / according to Andy Borowitz

Includes bibliographical references (pages 455-461)

A presidential candidate / Mark Twain -- The lecture tickets that were bought but never used / George Ade -- The ransom of Red Chief / O. Henry -- From Babbitt / Sinclair Lewis -- From Gentlemen prefer blondes / Anita Loos -- On conversation / Ring Lardner -- Imperial purple / H.L. Mencken -- More alarms at night / James Thurber -- The waltz / Dorothy Parker -- Farewell, my lovely appetizer / S.J. Perelman -- Simple prays a prayer / Langston Hughes -- The night the old nostalgia burned down / Frank Sullivan -- Across the street and into the grill / E.B. White -- The house of mirth / Peter De Vries -- From The magic Christian / Terry Southern -- From How to talk dirty and influence people / Lenny Bruce -- The secret vice / Tom Wolfe -- The counterfeit secret circle member gets the message, or The asp strikes again / Jean Shepherd -- The Kentucky Derby is decadent and depraved / Hunter S. Thompson -- A look at organized crime / Woody Allen -- The tax man / Bruce Jay Friedman -- Letters to Einstein / Philip Roth -- A few words about breasts / Nora Ephron -- Our white heritage / Henry Beard, Michael O'Donoghue, George W.S. Trow -- Better read than dead : a revised opinion / Fran Lebowitz -- Your action line / Charles Portis -- In the morning post / Donald Barthleme -- Curb Carter policy discord effort threat / Veronica Geng -- Vacation '58 / John Hughes -- The laws of cartoon motion / Mark O'Donnell -- The Tip-Top Club / Garrision Keillor -- Rolled in rare Bohemian onyx, then vulcanized by hand / Bruce McCall -- Tough as bob war and other stuff / Molly Ivins -- Corrections / Calvin Trillin -- Tips for women : how to have a relationships with a guy / Dave Barry -- Clinton deploys vowels to Bosnia / The Onion -- Shiftless little loafers / Susan Orlean -- Gothic baseball / Roy Blount Jr. -- If I were in charge of the networks / George Carlin -- Laws concerning food and drink ; Household principles ; Lamentations of the father / Ian Frazier -- The writer's life / David Rakoff -- From I ain't scared of you / Bernie Mac -- Buddy, can you spare a tie? / David Sedaris -- It's so hard / Wanda Sykes -- What I'd say to the Martians / Jack Handey -- Your three wishes : F.A.Q. / David Owen -- Ask the optimist! / George Saunders -- Awake / Jenny Allen -- The pony problem / Sloane Crosley -- If not an apology, at least a "my bad" / Larry Wilmore

Reaching back to Mark Twain and forward to contemporary masters such as David Sedaris, Roy Blount, and Bernie Mac, this book is an exclusive collection of the very best American comic writing